Nicole vs. Life
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
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