Where did you get a picture of my penis
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
