is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
