So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Randomize
