if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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