mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
