My sheets look like a crime scene.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
She tied me up with her honor cords...
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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