oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
