Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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