Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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