I think i peed on brittanys purse
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
