You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
It's shark week go big or go home
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
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