Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
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