Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
