He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
