So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Randomize
