well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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