what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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