im drinking this country out of the recession.
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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