don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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