did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
