So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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