Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
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