dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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