hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
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