Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
