Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
