their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Randomize
