I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
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