Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
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