i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
