enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
