did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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