Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
