If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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