Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
