I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
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