A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
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