1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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