Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
how drunk are you?
Several
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
