I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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