haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
We are two peas in an std pod
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
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