I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Congratulations! We have a period
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
