Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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