he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
