last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Ketchup is God's man juice
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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