i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
