Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
