Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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