I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Brb crying the tears of my youth
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
