so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
he fucked my hip out of place.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
