boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
