these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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