Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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