College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I would fuck him just for his dog
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I need to align my fucking chakras
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