So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Randomize
