U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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