I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
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