party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
