Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
she woke up with a sticky ear
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
