please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Randomize
