I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
