I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
