The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
