Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
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