Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
