omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
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