Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
