she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
