We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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