You smell like stripper and shame
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
