He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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