Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I think people are normalizing furries
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
