it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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