turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
