..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
