He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Randomize
