Is it normal to miss your booty call?
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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