Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
