you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
