someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
