i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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