I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
