I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
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