Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
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