in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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