Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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