Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
