...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
