1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
