I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
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