Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Randomize
